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Boundries!
I’ve been working a lot with boundaries lately—and realizing how deeply important it is to honor what we need. For much of my life, I didn’t really believe I was allowed to have boundaries. Growing up, there wasn’t much room for them. So I became very good at accommodating, giving, bending, and allowing others to overstep my boundaries. But my body knew. I would feel that tightening inside. That familiar tension. And underneath it, anger would begin to rise. I just didn’t know what to do with it so I would pull away. The anger was actually telling me something important: Something here isn’t okay with me. Something needs my attention. I’m learning that a boundary isn’t about controlling someone else. It’s about becoming willing to listen to myself and honor what I discover. It can sound like: No, that doesn’t work for me. This is what I need. When this happens, this is how I feel. I’m not available for that. As I become more aware and authentically connected with myself I am leaning into the opportunities to speak up for myself. A pleasant surprise... Once I've said what I need to say, I can relax. I don’t have to keep bracing myself. I don't have to hold onto the anger. I simply need to listen to myself and give my needs a voice. And from that place, I can actually let go and enjoy myself again. There is something incredibly empowering about realizing that we are allowed to say no. We are allowed to change our minds. We are allowed to ask for what we need. We are allowed to leave the room, end the conversation, create distance, or simply say, “This doesn’t feel good to me.” And perhaps most importantly, we don’t have to wait until we’re furious or ill to listen. Sometimes the boundary begins with that very first tightening in the body. That little inner whisper that says, Something here isn’t right for me. Maybe that whisper is worth listening to. Maybe honoring ourselves begins there. Let go of the shore and trust the currents of life to take you there. In Light, Misty
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An archetype, in the Jungian sense, is a universal organizing pattern of the psyche—things like the Mother, the Warrior, the Sage, the Trickster, the Orphan, the Lover. They aren’t personalities; they’re deep templates of human experience. I've found this to be super interesting work to dive into where we can look at what can happen when one or more archetypes becomes distorted or over-identified.
We all have wounded archetypal energies that we use to protect ourselves. A big one for me is perfectionism. Perfectionism can find its way in to act as my inner guardian. An example may be: * The Ruler in shadow says, “Everything must be under control.” * The Caregiver in shadow says, “I must never disappoint anyone.” * The Innocent in shadow says, “If I’m good enough, I’ll be safe.” * The Sage in shadow says, “I can’t act until I know everything.” * The Hero/Warrior in shadow says, “My worth depends on flawless performance.” Here's the tricky part, the perfectionist isn’t trying to make me perfect because perfection matters, she's trying to prevent something she believes would be unbearable: rejection, shame, failure, abandonment, or loss of belonging. Underneath the wounded energies we often find a much simpler belief. Be curious. Perhaps i ask the question, ‘Which part of me believes she has to be perfect, and what is she afraid would happen if she weren’t?’” This is where the real work begins. Courageously. Stay faithful to what you learn from your heart. Trust that your heart knows. Trust that each time you honor one of these precious parts of yourself you're strengthening the bond you have with your own heart. I have a feeling that this is the most important relationship we can nurture. It's less about getting it right and more about the opening... Lovingly. ❣️ Let go of the shore and trust the currents of life to take you there. In Light, Misty Hello beautiful,
Sitting with this second full moon of the month — what we call the blue moon, something rare that only comes around every couple of years — I’ve found myself reflecting on how fleeting and precious life really is. There’s been an ache in me lately. A longing.. to soak in all the special moments of life. Because when you think about it, every moment is entirely unique. This exact morning, this exact breath, this particular light through the trees, the sound of birds outside my window — none of it will ever happen in quite the same way again. And yet, how often do we actually pause long enough to feel it? How often are we somewhere else entirely — lost in the running list in our heads, replaying the past, worrying about tomorrow, or distracted by the constant stimulation pulling us in every direction? As I sit here this morning, looking out at the trees and listening to the birds, I notice a deep longing to connect more fully with life. To be here. To feel what’s here. To inhabit my body more completely. There’s something deeply grounding about presence — about being with what is instead of constantly moving away from it. Presence is something we have to relearn. Somewhere along the way, as a culture, we drifted from intimacy with life. We moved away from growing our own food, knowing the rhythms of the seasons, sitting on porches, noticing the sky, listening deeply, simply being. Life has become something closer to a pinball machine. We bounce from thought to thought, feeling to feeling, memory to memory. A piece of old pain gets activated. A distraction pulls us sideways. A notification interrupts. We ricochet through our days, often unaware of how much is quietly pulling us away from this moment. Wholehearted living. Not chasing some perfect version of ourselves. Not getting life exactly right. Instead, living from our whole heart by fully arriving in our life. Feeling it. Being present enough to notice it. Allowing joy, grief, beauty, ache, uncertainty — all of it — to belong. I am reminded of this vivid memory from my sixth birthday. I am sitting in a recliner while my mom stands in the kitchen doing dishes, and I'm telling her I don’t want to turn six. I love being five and I don’t want it to change. And in her gentle way, she tells me, “Honey, life keeps moving forward.” This may be the first time I realized that presence matters, because life keeps moving. The seasons change. The moon cycles. We grow older. This moment passes. I think that wholehearted living is simply learning how to love life enough to actually be here for it while it’s here. So, stop running the race for a moment. Step out of the pinball machine. Choose a different rhythm. And come back to now. ❣️ Let go of the shore and trust the currents of life to take you there. In Light, Misty With space I find the opportunity to really look at myself—and see something unexpected staring back.
Not a pure physical reflection, more of an intuitive reflection or feeling. A felt sense, perhaps a version of myself that feels old, weathered, something I can’t quite name. I had an experience like this during one of my shamanic gatherings. We were invited to sit in front of a black mirror and simply stay present with what we saw—our eyes, our face, whatever revealed itself. The "black mirror" in this context was used as a tool for "scrying"—gazing into the surface to invite a meditative state. As the physical eyes relax and focus "past" the surface, the inner seers eyes open, allowing for visions to appear in the mirror or in the mind's eye. The mirror is seen as a gateway for Soul Work and Shadow Integration, it can reveal hidden traumas, fears, and suppressed aspects of the self. What I saw during my exercise surprised me. I saw myself as a really old woman. Weathered. Tired. Sad. And if I’m honest—it unsettled me. Because it wasn’t just something I was seeing… it was something I was feeling. At the time I spiraled a bit. I thought, is this how the world sees me? Is this how I see myself? There are more layers to what was seen that night in the black mirror, but one layer that is being revealed to me now is that of a kind of mask. A layer I've been carrying. Something shaped, perhaps, by years or maybe even lifetimes of holding back, adapting, or being made to feel less than. I found myself wondering where it came from, how long it had been there. And while I don’t have one clear answer, I recognized it. Recently, I felt it again—sitting in a salon chair, in a space where I often feel fully exposed physically. I noticed that familiar layer of doubt, the instinct to shrink or hide, feeling “not quite enough.” When I closed my eyes and felt in, the mask appeared, it was still there—but something was different. It appeared smoother. The lines less defined. As if I was carrying a lighter load. This is what this full moon is illuminating for me. Something to be with—to see more clearly. This old, weathered layer. This feeling of something, I call it shame, that can quietly convince us we’re not enough— not polished enough, not confident enough, not ready enough. Behind that… there is so much more. There is depth. There is wisdom. There are gifts waiting to be shared. And it can feel painful to recognize the ways we’ve let this inner layer hold us back. The ways we’ve stayed hidden, even when something inside us is ready to be seen. But it can also be the beginning of letting go, awareness is where it begins. Step by step. Often imperfectly. But honestly. So I’ll ask you-- Have you ever felt something like this? A layer, a mask, a version of yourself that no longer feels fully true—but still lingers? And if so, what might be ready to soften… even just a little? This full moon, I’m simply allowing what feels old and heavy to loosen its grip. To let light reach it. To let it begin to heal—layer by layer. What’s underneath isn’t missing. It’s been there all along, waiting to be trusted, waiting to be expressed. And perhaps… that’s what’s ready to emerge now. ❣️ Let go of the shore and trust... In Light, Misty Hello love,
We begin... ANCHOR |Wednesday's 11:11 am - 12:12 pm MST A soft beginning on March 11th at 11:11am I can feel the excitement and resonance building for this offering and I am genuinely touched. ANCHOR was created as a place to slowly return to the body, to rhythm, to the deeper intelligence within you. I would like to offer some reassurance for those of you that are hesitant to commit. When something touches the deeper layers of our body and soul, it’s natural to want to move toward it in a way that feels grounded and aligned rather than rushed. Perhaps you’re genuinely drawn to what I’m offering but just need a little spaciousness around the commitment. Perhaps, like me you are feeling the call back into movement and connection with your body. That reconnection after time away can be incredibly powerful, especially when it’s approached with gentleness and curiosity rather than pressure. My intention with ANCHOR is that it supports you and meets you where you actually are in your life and doesn’t feel like a heavy commitment you have to force yourself into. One thing I want to share honestly is that I completely understand the feeling of hesitation around the commitment. That’s a very real and human response, especially when we’re stepping back into something that touches deeper layers of our life and body. At the same time, a big part of the medicine of this program is the commitment. Not in a rigid or heavy way, but in the sense of creating a steady rhythm we can return to again and again . That consistency is often where the real nourishment and transformation begin to happen. It gives the nervous system something reliable to lean into. So if you’re noticing that underlying fear, I actually see that as a very normal threshold moment. Sometimes the part of us that longs to grow and reconnect meets the part of us that wants to stay safe and familiar. What matters most to me is that if you step in, it feels like a conscious yes from you - not pressure, but a willingness to meet the process and see what unfolds. So, please don’t worry at all about the timing. Even though we’re set to begin today, everything is recorded, so you are absolutely welcome to join after the fact and start with the replay of the first session if that ends up feeling right for you. And although I sincerely hope you will make a deeper commitment to yourself, you’re also welcome to step in month to month, experience the rhythm of the practices, the nervous system reset, and the deeper layers of the container. Then you can simply listen to your body and see if it feels like the right place for you to continue. Sometimes the most powerful return happens gently - just showing up for one practice, then the next, letting the rhythm rebuild itself in your body. I’d be really happy to have you there and to support you in reconnecting with your body and your inner rhythm again. And truly, it means a lot that you have stayed connected with my emails, it lets me know that you still feel drawn to practice with me and that touches my heart. SIGN UP OPEN YOUR HEART AND LET THE LIGHT COME SHINE WITHIN In Light, Misty So many of you have asked me — when I said I was closing the studio — why?
And every time I hear that question, I feel something rise in my chest. Is it anger? Irritation? Maybe. But that reaction… is exactly the reason why. No one really knows how much you give when you’re a teacher. When you’re a healer. The emotional labor. The energetic holding. The invisible tending. I came to a place where I gave too much. And slowly, subtly, it put me in a box. It trapped me. Now that I’m out, I can see clearly: I want freedom. I choose life for myself. Do I regret the years of having the studio? No. I honor that path of fire. I honor the people. The stories. The sacred moments I was invited into. That chapter means everything to me. And this… is a new time. This is me breaking the old pattern of over-giving. Now I have time to dance. To sing. To actually want to be with my friends because I’m not socially maxed out. I will come back — but in a new way. In contained spaces. In intentional windows. Where I can give fully… and then step away, refill, and return whole. People also say, “You’re lucky you can do this.” Lucky? Luck sounds random. This isn’t luck. This is choice. I choose a different path. I choose a different life. “Where will the money come from?” I have no fucking idea. But the universe finally got me to stop. She said, Pause. Listen. Practice. See what’s next. What was next? A road trip to the Oregon coast with a dear friend. Breath. Space. Silence. What comes next after that? I’m still watching it unfold. But I know this: When I give now, it will be clean. It will be contained. It will not cost me my body. And maybe you’re different than me. Maybe you truly can give and give and give endlessly. But if your body is breaking down… If you’re sick, exhausted, depressed, anxious, angry… Those are not weaknesses. Those are signals. Something is out of balance. Trust the pause. Trust that if you leap, you’ll be held. There is a parachute. There is another way. It can be terrifying. Fear is part of life. Facing it is part of life. Doubt doesn’t mean stop. Sometimes doubt is the doorway that reveals what is true. I keep hearing this whisper: You have a map in your heart. And that map leads to your life. To your happiness. To your truth. Follow it. In Light, Misty When we dwell in the pleasures of our senses, attractions to further pleasures arise. From attraction comes attachment, the desire for possession that leads to passion and burns into anger. Passion and anger cloud judgment and lead to confusion, the inability to learn from past mistakes and the failure to choose between what is wise and what is unwise. This is the path of separation. But when we move in the world of the senses, yet keep our senses in harmony, free from attachment to attraction or aversion, we rest in the wisdom heart of our True Nature, the true equanimity of Being, in which all sorrow and suffering cease.
~Bhagavad Gita, 2:61-66 Translation by Richard Miller, PhD from "Yoga Nidra - A Meditative Practice for Deep Relaxation & Healing” Hello beautiful soul, I am living the slow gentle approach that allows my body to resource from within. SLOWING DOWN has given me the opportunity to look around me and see all the ways life is supporting me. I'm anchoring into my own sense of well-being and in the process returning to truth - Sat Nam - "Truth is my Name" or "True Identity" - aligning mind, body, and spirit - rearranging negative habits brings relaxation, and affirms the universal truth that our core essence is divine. I am whole ~ I am enough ~ I am love Wintertime is dream time... and just like nature rests we need time to rest. The practice of yoga Nidra is rooted in deep rest through the exploration of five layers of the body - also known as the five Koshas (Kosha means sheath), you can imagine these like layers of an onion. The five Koshas include body ~ breath ~ mind ~heart ~ soul. Annamaya Kosha the first layer of the body and the part we are most familiar with - the physical body - this is the part of us that we connect to most often. This layer includes what we can hear, feel, taste, touch and smell (basically the 5 senses). As well as what the Yoga Sutras call our "container" - our bones, muscles, joints, and tissues. Pranamaya Kosha your breath - your life force which is the energy that runs through the subtle pathways in your body. Manomaya Kosha the mental body or the mind. Vijnanamaya Kosha the wisdom body - is your inner wisdom. Anandamaya Kosha the bliss body is the subtlest of all the energy bodies. *** Let go of urgency. Pull your POWER back to what you choose. This is not permission. It's an invitation to remember what your soul came here for. I WANT TO REMEMBER - 40 days to resource, reset and re-step OPEN YOUR HEART AND LET THE LIGHT COME SHINE WITHIN! In Light, Misty Hello beautiful soul, Where do I go from here? This question haunts me. A chapter is closing, my choice. There are so many moments to pause, reflect and be with what is happening. For the first time in a long time I hiked up under the Rifle Arch, sitting on one of the ledges that looks out over the valley. It was memory lane! Memories come flooding in of times spent exploring these landscapes, beautiful friendship moments, adventure, loss, contentment, all so incredibly life like. But landscapes change. I've watched doors close to rooms that felt so familiar and safe. The rooms I stand in now feel empty--the sound of my thoughts echoing off the walls and evaporating into... Where the fuck do I go from here? Dreams, visions, hopes for the future and no clear road just the narrow path in front of me now. Do the next right thing... Wash the dishes, eat breakfast, make the bed, do the laundry, pick up, pack up, let go... Where do I go from here? I am living that question, throwing it out into the Universe. Are you listening? An idea sparks and then fades, What can I hang on to? Doubt. When it comes from your heart it will truly land. Authentic, strong, real, sustainable. Space. Actions come and go and life just refuses to stop. The inner competition to do more, be better, love more has lost it's shine, my connections to these ideals have waned. I long to step into life fully, authentically as me. I hope it will make a difference. Where do I go from here? The sun is setting and the memories are propelling me forward into something brand new. So alone. Come back to the space that hold everything she whispers. Remember who you are. Silence. Go deeper. Connect with your own heart. The exchange is in the connection. In Light, Misty Hello warrior of light,
I bring warm wishes at the start of this new year - 2026. It's official, 3rd Street Studio has returned to how I found it 12 years ago (only better:). Quite a transformation, and what a process it has been. I think you know that this was a really big decision for me. The closing of a chapter can feel like the end of a life and saying goodbye to something/someone you love brings grief. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and to those that have asked how I'm doing…all I can say is that I’m in the process and I am finding my way. I'm in resource and dreaming mode and let me tell you, there’s something to say for confinement. The world is really loud, especially here at the start of the year. Everywhere you look, something is demanding initiation. Set intentions. Declare the year. Choose the path. Lock it in. This is not wisdom. Wisdom doesn’t give panic the energy it desires. Urgency is just a trick. It rushes you before your body has caught up. It pulls power from you before you've had a chance to decide where you want to place it. In truth...you are not behind. So many of us are still carrying unfinished threads from the last cycle. This is why I decided to create the Yoga Nidra Thread. Yoga Nidra is a resource ritual. It’s a mindful deep relaxation technique that unwinds the threads and helps close what is still open. No pressure. No hard physical practices. No scrubbing away what’s wrong. Yoga Nidra is an anchor. A mindful practice to cleanse and create space to begin again— a soft return to center. Calm ~ Rest ~ Resilience No-one is exempt, we all need something that builds our capacity to self-regulate, anchors that ground us especially during hectic times Yoga Nidra--Yogic Sleep-- teaches your nervous system to return to a state of rest and healing. Enter the Thread —> OPEN YOUR HEART AND LET THE LIGHT COME SHINE WITHIN! In Light, Misty Dear Friends, I'm trusting that you are well as this holiday season invites rest, quiet, and a gentle turning inward. I spent a few quiet days around Christmas~ being with myself, enjoying the kitties, walking in nature and connecting with a handful of cherished friends. I continue to feel grateful for a growing meditation practice and the steady support it offers. In moments of stillness, I'm reminded that we always have a choice - to meet what is here with presence...or to turn away. It takes courage to stay. And it is there, in that staying, that a deeper relationship with inner strength and wisdom begins to take root. Courage This is where self-love and acceptance can be nourished. When judgment softens, a natural lightness returns - body, mind, and heart. Even in challenging seasons, our inner temple holds everything we need to rise from the ashes, renew and begin again. If it feels supportive, I invite you to pause sometime this week -- even for a few quiet breaths - and gently ask yourself: What is asking to be met with kindness right now? As the season continues to unfold, there will be moments and gentle spaces to gather, reflect, and listen more deeply - for those who feel called to slow down, listen inward, and nurture a deeper relationship with themselves. Nothing to do, nowhere to rush. Simply notice what stirs.. In the coming months, May you choose to nurture a kind and loving relationship with yourself. May you feel deeply supported and surrounded in moments of need. May you rest in a sense of nurturance and protection. May you remember that you are not doing this on your own. May you know - body, mind & heart - that you are perfectly imperfect. This is enough. YOU are enough. I wish you everything you need on your path of self discovery. May you find the courage to offer what’s yours to give. In Light, Misty Dear Precious Soul,
Taking time everyday to stop what I'm doing and spend conscious time with my breath has become a necessity for me. In fact I'm not sure where I would be on all levels with out my breathing time. I am saddened by the fact that this is not the norm in our culture, we are either chasing or running from something most of the time. And yet how vital is it to our wellbeing for our nervous system to rest and reset? Very fucking important! When we take a pause in our day to day for just for 15 minutes it gives our bodies, minds and hearts a moment to catch up with life, to actually process what is happening in and around us. It's called rest and reset. This is hugely hard for me at times. Although the idea of rest sounds nice and I actually long for it, more often than not numbing out seems easier. Distraction, avoidance, denial...all true and I say this with so much compassion towards myself. I didn't know there was a healthy way to be with the hard shit in life until I found yoga. As I look back now I realize that at a very young age fight, flight or freeze became my natural environment and continued to be an unconscious pattern for a long time. Sad to say that if you stay here long enough you eventually crash. Will you honestly look at this with me... how often do you pause in your day to notice how you're feeling? How is your breathing? I'm talking truly tuning in to yourself to feel and be present to what is happening in and around you right now? Our connection or lack of connection to ourselves which includes our breathing hugely affects the way we move and hold our bodies in daily life which directly effects our health and how we feel. How often are we "doing" to keep our minds occupied so we don't have to feel? It can be as simple as having the television on in the background while making a meal (seems pretty innocent right?), or looking at our electronic devices multiple times in an hour (HUGE), multi-tasking... like when you're on the phone while eating (I did this just yesterday). Humans these days are constantly engaged, we've grown accustomed to it, even addicted to it and most folks are not even aware when it's happening. In fact I wasn't aware until I sat down for the first time to meditate. Five minutes my teacher said, just sit and watch your breath for five minutes. What an eye opener that was. I couldn't believe how insanely busy my thinking mind was. Imagine New York City inside your head, thoughts fighting with other thoughts fighting with feelings that I don't want to feel and the confusion of it all... paralyzing at times. It's a lot to take in day in and day out. To this day fight, flight and freeze still feel strangely safe and even weirdly comfortable to me. Deep down I know that there is truly nothing safe or comfortable about living this way. Learning to surrender instead of fight, to stay put rather than take flight, and to open instead of freeze is real. Suddenly the heart muscle is engaging and it can make you feel real vulnerable and even down right uncomfortable. Especially if you're used to using the mind muscle which is constantly analyzing, fixating and trying to figure it all out. Over thinking can be exhausting in my opinion and creates a tightening inside and out while allowing our breath to flow and deepen creates a softening. This softening gives us access to our heart which can feel like a kind of internal yoga space where it is safe to feel, listen, acknowledge, allow, witness, remember, grieve, discover...experience all of it. True safety. Here you can get to know yourself, the you who you think you are or were told or conditioned to be, the you that identifies with your trauma, the shadow side of you, the joy side of you, it's all here just waiting to be invited in and heard. Breathe, soften and listen...your hearts innate nature is a compassionate and nurturing response to whatever is arising in this space. I won't lie and say this is easy. It can be really hard even excruciating at times and you want to run away and sometimes you do. But sometimes you stay and remember to call on your heart muscle and love comes flooding in to sit beside you and something beautiful begins to happen...healing. I learn and grown so much each time I step away from my own need for busy-ness. Each step is a step towards my own heart and it feels so good to come home. At times I feel like I am truly meeting myself for the first time. When we offer the gift of presence to our own heart we can't help but emerge a more compassionate and authentic human being. Join me once a month for Soul Yoga Sunday ~ June 23rd ~ 6:00 - 8:00 pm Sign up Soul Yoga is intended to be a deeply restorative practice where your breath is center stage. Your breath is one of if not THE most powerful tool that you have access to. Crazy right?!! I mean its right there all the time! With breath as guide and teacher asana becomes more comfortable which can then lead you into an experience of deep relaxation and clarity. As this practice is very intuitive for me I will introduce the rattle and drumming when it feels right, both can help aid in gaining access to another softer layer of consciousness and quite possibly a journey into your Soul Garden. If this resinates with you please join us. This practice is safe for all levels of practitioners that would like to explore breath, body, mind & Heart. Drop in for $40 ~ Pay early with cash or Venmo - $30 or online $33. Early cut off is June 22nd. Sign up I hope to see you and your Soul soon! In Light, Misty Poem by Ruth Powers Instead of trying to fix And fretting about All that stuff outside of me, When I take a breath And feel the sun And just for this moment Let it all be then I see That there is a space In this place I call my heart... Whether it seems Like things are coming together Or falling apart... I guess it's kind of all the same And I don't need to find a name To pin to this feeling.. But if I did, It might be "healing". I feel like I'm having an identity crisis, getting older is not for sissies, this is what my dad told me a few years ago. At the time he was living on his own still, it was the beginning of his battle with dementia. I watched him struggle with his memory loss and yet he didn't falter in his determination to stay strong, active and in the game.
How do we embrace aging? Acceptance! I have a very natural and deep desire to explore the unseen, to dive beneath the surface and explore the mystery that lives there. I'll tell you a story that might give this deeper meaning... I live in Western Colorado and have from 6 months on, but I was born in Chicago, Illinois. My mom grew up in Chicago and most of her family lives there. When my grandmothers health began to decline, my mom, dad, brother, sister and me, although still in moms belly, moved to Chicago to help care for my grandmother. This is how I came to be born in Chicago. The land of our birth was held very sacred by our ancestors. It was believed to be our true mother, something we can learn from that gives direction to our life. And so for me this is the land beneath and surrounding the rather large city of Chicago. There is a great deal of water surrounding Chicago, the leading sources of water being Lake Michigan, groundwater aquifers, and the Fox and Kankakee Rivers. So combined with being a Pisces (water sign) it's no surprise that I love to swim and play in the ocean, lakes, rivers, any type of water will do. One thing though, is that I am a bit cautious around large bodies of water and don't usually venture out too too far. Anyway, I began the journey of exploring my birth land. I learned a lot just by reading about it but I also took time to sit and contemplate, even meditate on the land to see what I could learn from it. In one meditation in particular I was drawn to the very large body of water that is Lake Michigan. My natural instinct was to swim out to the middle of the lake, dive down and swim to the bottom. On the bottom of the lake there was a very large and beautiful green emerald. This emerald felt like the part of me that is wisdom. After spending some time absorbing all that I could from the emerald I sensed that I was meant to bring it to the surface. As this happened I could feel that I liked being in the deep more than I liked being on the surface. What it revealed was a deeper understanding of who I am. My work is to dive deep into the lake of my being, here I find and connect to what is the gem, my heart and wisdom center. It is coming to the surface that allows me to share what I have learned, and although this feeds my soul tremendously is not necessarily the easiest part of the journey for me. Because to share fully is to allow myself to be seen. And so it is naked and vulnerable that I share with you Unclothed.
What I really want to say is... I feel like the world has changed so much over the past few years. Where has everyone gone? What are we all doing now? Where are our minds and hearts? Is it just me or does the world feel like a much lonelier place? Or have I just retreated from it all. I feel like our entire human world went through this collective trauma and it rewired us. The old ways no longer work. What I feel is a lack of pure joy, enjoyment for life. Friendships. Fear of loss. Fear of getting old, paying the bills is getting harder, getting sick. fear of each other. What will everyone think if they really know me? So I hide. Hide out, hide it, just hide. Pain, so much pain like a gigantic hole that cannot be filled no matter how hard I try. I am running out of options and so here I sit trying to figure it out, to make sense of the confusion and chaos that my life has become. Everyday a new arrival...Rumi knew didn't he. Greet them at the door laughing he says, even if the clear out all your furniture. I am frustrated and just want to find some people that I can really connect with. Can you be honest with me but even more importantly can I be honest with you. Can i feel heard or am I just talking to a wall? All of these emotions that I am feeling, doubts, fears, confusion around what is real, what is true and what is a lie. Will you hurt me? Have you already and just cant tell me so you walk away. Is it someone else, am I not good enough, can't get it right, didn't get there soon enough, didn't love you the way you wanted to be loved. What is love anyway? Just a passing thing. You change you move one and I am left here spinning always trying to be there for you not knowing how to be there for me. How to be alone, to face the world alone now. I wanted that to work out. I wanted to love you and feel that feeling that was so strong between us, that magic elixer and then all the shit comes in and I can't feel it anymore. You give up. You say I will not accept no for an answer, we are going to make it through and now you just say, this isn't working, I don't want to hurt you, you're a great gal. What does that even mean. Empty. Life feels empty. I feel lost. How do I change with change? How do I keep moving forward instead of looking to the past and wanting it to be like that. It felt so safe and now it feels so scary. All the things I used to want just feel lost, like why want them? A retreat in Jamaica because I am feeling all full and wanting to share what I have and then what? Trying to do it like I did how do I do it differently. What is different anyway. How do i get my voice out there to be heard, to be noticed, acknowledged. Who will listen, Why would they anyway? Is anything I do or know worth anything. How do i exist in this world. How do I tell someone to work through the fear? That it will be ok if you just ride the wave and see what can be possible for healing. Am I just talking to myself right now. Maybe that is all that I can do is to do the work myself, Alone! I can't seem to find a way. I am blind with all of this torment and in the back of my mind I'm thinking there is a whole world out there that I am not experiencing because I am trapped in here. Stuck, feet can't move. everything feels flat, empty, I don't like life anymore. Death is the end and why do any of it at all, what is the point? Every time I just come to this point of I give up. I don't know how to live in this world of loss and pain. I don't know how to find the thing that used to move me forward. That had hope of it always getting better. That anything is possible. You know anyone can write a book, lead a class, why do I feel like I need to be perfect to put myself out there? The poet William Stafford calls it a thread... There’s a thread you follow. It goes among things that change. But it doesn’t change. People wonder about what you are pursuing. You have to explain about the thread. But it is hard for others to see. While you hold it you can’t get lost. Tragedies happen; people get hurt or die; and you suffer and get old. Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding. You don’t ever let go of the thread. In Light, Misty Here we are...Just finished teaching Saturday morning zoom class. It's a new experience for me and I'm learning as I go along. I don't really know what will happen from moment to moment beyond the fact that I am teaching and hope the students are engaging. More times than I wish students devices lose sound (like this morning we got an alert that kicked some students out of the class:) bummer guys! The past few weeks I have been trying to keep it all going smoothly and riding the roller coaster of how I could create a good experience for everyone. Of course I want that and in the process I have realized that I only have so much control over what happens. Whether it's in a zoom class or in life in general I know that I feel more centered and grounded when I allow the things that I don't have control over to just be. Wanting to make sure everyone is ok has been a recurring theme for me in life. It started at a young age just wanting the members of my family to get along and be happy. If I could make sure everyone was ok then I would be ok. It was a way that I could create a sense of safety and a more stable environment for myself. Probably a normal reaction for a little kid. As an adult I have realized that security doesn't come from controlling or holding onto things. When I am continuously working to control a situation or hold onto an idea or a personal possession I am pulled away from the one thing that gives me all that I need, my center. This separation from my center creates fragmentation within my being. I lose sight of why I am really here and what it is that I need to be doing. The indecision that comes from self doubt puts me in a constant state of instability. When I step back from my holding I can see that the emotional charge I get from this false sense of security or happiness only lasts a short time and then the roller coaster takes off again. I have experienced one actual roller coaster (not metaphorically) in my life. It was in my 20's and I made it through the ride by screaming my head off. It was exhausting and it was then that I knew this ride was not for me. I haven't been on one since. Feeling lost or scared is only eased when we finally do find our way back home. The aim of yoga is to find home. We hold onto that which is not ours to hold because we are afraid. Fear is a powerful human emotion that only leads us farther into the wilderness. It originates from grabbing hold of a thought or belief that we are alone and as long as we choose to hold on to that thought we stay on the roller coaster and we are in for a ride. The foundation of yoga is made up of eight limbs. The first four are yama's (restraints of a spiritual life), niyamas (practices we are to observe and cultivate), asana (pose) and pranayama (breath). Aparigraha is the fifth of the five yamas and it means non-attachment or letting go. If holding onto things seems to bring us happiness then this yama might imply that we are not meant to enjoy or experience life. In truth it means to recognize the fears that are at the root of our holding and let them go. We will most likely find more enjoyment out of life when we do let go. I read a quote this morning by General Barry McCaffry "Do not take counsel of your fears." We may acknowledge our fears, offer our deep love and compassion to that part of our being and then let the fear go. In the process we come back to our breath, to the place of presence and peace - our center, and it is from this place that we can take purposeful action. Life is teaching me that a good path is available to each one of us. Inspired by Meditations on the Mat - If we were to write down everything we want in life, let's say a few years from now, and if we were to focus on our spiritual practice, I think we would find in a few years that we would have sold ourselves short, because truthfully, what the Universe - God - Divine has instore for us is far more beautiful than what we can imagine for ourselves.
"Fear is the cheapest room in the house, I'd like to see you in better living conditions” ~ Anonymous. Below is the LINK for this morning's zoom class (the full recording). Enjoy! If you would like to do some work with me around finding your center through yoga and breath please reach out to me. I am offering a sliding scale from $55 - $85 for a 1 hr. 15 min. session. You pay what you can afford. I would love to meet with you in a private session or small group via zoom, google hangout, facetime or any other virtual platform that you prefer. OM,Misty [email protected] "If we know anything about a path at all, it's only because of the Great ones that have gone before us. Out of their love and kindness, they have left some footprints for us to follow. So, in the same way that they wish for us, we wish that all beings everywhere, including ourselves, to be safe, be happy, have good health, and enough to eat. And may we all live at ease of heart with whatever comes to us in life." ~Krishna Das Saturday Morning Yoga on Zoom |
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